“If you don’t trust you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does, you will not be able to move beyond the level of the confidence you have in yourself.” – Iyanla Vanzant
Trust. Lately this word has been appearing in random places like in conversation, a book or article I read or in a discussion with colleagues. I pay attention to when a certain word keeps appearing, because I know this is a sign from the universe. Trust is something I learned to instill in myself, because as an adult survivor of childhood domestic violence I didn’t know how to Trust my father. I didn’t know if it was a day he expressed and showed he loved me or if it was a day he would beat me. This was confusing and it took me many years to learn how to Trust myself and my intuition that was guiding me all along.
I often hear from the women I support in my coaching programs say, “I want to stop second guessing myself”. What they are really saying is they don’t trust their gut. They don’t trust the choices they make with their money or when needing to make business decisions. They experience fear, doubt, and worry before, during, or after they make up their mind on what to do. Or maybe they don’t do anything at all and nothing gets done.
If this rings a bell of truth to you, then maybe it’s time to reflect on how you can learn to trust yourself. First, it starts with getting out of your head and into your body. You can try to think your way out of an emotional decision, but thinking is not your gut. Thinking isn’t the best way to confirm you have made the right decision for yourself.
Feeling your way through the decision is the way to go. We have natural and instinctive physical responses as our guide, but when we have experienced trauma our alert system gets out of whack. This shows up as being hyper vigilant, ignoring the physical signals our body sends us, or running away from the problem by saying, “I’m not going to think about that right now” and then focus on something else – always on the run.
As women we are built to feel our way out of a situation or when making a decision. Here are some things that can help you learn to trust yourself and revive your intuition:
Your Desired Outcome
What is your desired outcome? Contemplate what it is that you ultimately want to experience after you have made your decision. You might be seeking inner peace, joy, or a feeling of being grounded and free. Grab a pen and paper and finish this sentence “When I complete ________ my desired outcome is to experience ______, ______, and ______”.
What are you willing to let go of if it meant you could get to your desired outcome faster? Sometimes we need to let go of controlling exactly what happens every step of the way towards reaching our desired outcome. Let go of all negativity and doubt. Banish these low frequency emotions from your energy field. Doing this step is non-negotiable as you learn to lean in and Trust everything is always working out serving your highest and greatest good.
Get Still and Focus on Trust
When you wake up in the morning and preferably after you drink a glass of water, sit in a quiet spot. I like to sit in bed and prop myself up in pillows every morning to practice being still and going within. Find some meditation music and if you’re new to meditation set your timer for 10 minutes to start. Before playing the meditation say out loud “Trust” 3-5 times and focus on the energy of what it feels like to Trust. Trust doesn’t feel like anxiety, fear, or worry. Trust feels free, calm, steady, and peaceful. Repeat “Trust” in your mind as you move into your meditation and see the word across the screen of your mind, focus on the feeling of Trust. End your meditation in gratitude saying out loud “Thank you” and move on with your day!